I am friendship incarnate.
(via cgwacko)
What if I just became the next Christopher Hitchens?
Except like, WAY cuter, y’know?
They say people who kill themselves never regret it.
— Tracy Jordan, 30 Rock. (via keyboardpubes)
my step mom won’t stop with all this diaper talk now that she’s so close to her due date, and this question had been nagging me for quite some time.
omg i just peed a little bit.
Why are dying dreams so funny to me?
He must have a golden dick because he sure don’t have a golden face.
— My mom on Newt Gingrich (via alexandernevermind)
(via charmingortedious)
I’m kind of turned on.
What is this feeling?
So sudden and new?
proper panty melter, barry.





