February 2012
17 posts
2 tags
someone I knew in high school died.
the last time I saw him was in Target. he saw me and came and joked with me. It was an awful day at work, and he was his normal whimsical self and even though it was less than two minutes, talking to him was the highlight of that week. He gave me his number and I told him I’d text him so we could hang out before summer was over and he ran off to Oberlin to go be a world class clarinetist. I...
Tyler Vazquez: heaven... →
tylervazquez:
I don’t know about heaven bein’ a place you go once you die. I do believe heaven is what happens when you put that blast in your arm and all the back alley bricks turn to gold, like some kind of Fort Knox where you can stay holed up and protected from those cops and nosey-bitch social workers who…
1 tag
Reblog this if you want to die.
4 tags
someone i knew in high school once told a funny...
A judge for a solo band contest once asked her why she didn’t go flute caroling that year, and she said that she didn’t because her grandmother had died. The judge made uncomfortable conversation about death for a moment before letting it go, and it was a fucking funny story to hear. I just read on facebook that her grandmother passed away, and I laughed because I remembered that...
1 tag
I'm starting production on my porno "Love and...
in lieu of an audition just email me cockshots thanks!!!
7 tags
Reason #1 to have sex
tbeckz:
Virgins are the first to be sacrificed.
On my secret.
dearcoketalk:
You work full time (at least I’m guessing you do, from your blog), you lead a busy social life (again, my assumption), you are completely up to date on everything politics, economics, entertainment, EVERYTHING. Plus you know all major literary works, major historical events… you know details beyond what a simple wiki search can provide. You know stuff that can only be understood...
Reblog with your gender
unfboy:
awwwfuckyou:
luisosaurus:
tinypirateinvasion:
renamc24:
adventure-timer:
the-afroburger:
cardkind:
teddy-vincent:
benedickscumbersnatch:
eridancryingalonewithhimself:
ainsleylaughingalonewithsalad:
shorlok:
moriartiess:
adrimnzr:
rougeofbutts:
linh-linh:
Fish
anime
vocaloid
moriarty
burd
homestuck
paddleboat
fnafiction
tomato
butt
...
Reblog with your sexuality.
cgwacko:
kylebeans:
devil-fucking-dickens:
solluxsdoubledicks:
singlepixelsmiles:
laceypendragon:
colourtheory-rn:
munchkinowl:
hazardouspyro:
corns-300-characters:
askshadowthendermen:
Bisexual.
Asexual.
Pyrosexual.
Homosexual (pan-romantic)
Pansexual
Heterosexual
vincentsexual
Solluxsexual
bisexual homoromantic.
Panromantic homosexual
Yeah, what Kyle...
4 tags
my life is a sitcom written by a god with a...
Murphy’s law can kiss my white Irish ass. It seems like every time a sexual encounter pokes its head up in my life, something goes wrong. Oh, you’re about to lose your virginity? NO LUBE JUST SPIT ON IT DRUNKBOY LOL. Oh, your boyfriend wants to try buttstuff? HE’S CATHOLIC AND HIS GUILT IS COCKBLOCKING YOU LOL. Oh, flirtatious boy sexting you? LOL UR JOKE ABOUT UR BUTT BEING...
“I’m voting for Ron Paul.”
– an idiot (via bringtheruckuss)
sometimes
three5zerozero:
i just want to punch my roommate in the fucking throat.
me too. (except I am my roommate.)
January 2012
28 posts
1 tag
What if I just became the next Christopher...
Except like, WAY cuter, y’know?
“They say people who kill themselves never regret it.”
– Tracy Jordan, 30 Rock. (via keyboardpubes)
“He must have a golden dick because he sure don’t have a golden face.”
– My mom on Newt Gingrich (via alexandernevermind)
3 tags
I can tell when I'm on my period because everyone...
can you guys start a fund so that I can have this... →
it’s $200 and i’ll put your wiener in my mouth if you contribute to my wasteful cause.
do you guys ever laugh shameful laughs because you...
In High School there was a particularly unattractive boy that was walking to put his tray up at lunch, so I, with all the tact I could muster, said “HOLY SHIT WHO LEFT THE CAGE OPEN??” to my group of friends. I gave my usual cackle of laughter until one of the girls sitting with me said “You guys, don’t laugh. He’s retarded.”
The laughter stopped and...
On how to do drugs.
dearcoketalk:
I just did shrooms for the first time after 19 years of being completely sober, and because I channeled things I learned from you my life has been changed. Main realizations I feel like I always knew but were cemented: art is incredibly important, education should be the nation’s and every individual’s first priority, and love is not something that implies anything. Thank you.
...
Watchkellyoxford:
How many moments give you a new catchphrase AND your inner child??
this is stage 4 of me drinking, immediately followed by Professor Matt, which is followed by “LET’S FUCK.” Matt, which is followed by passed out Matt.
setting up a new computer makes me want to quit...
I don’t have any of my music or pictures or bookmarks or programs or my gif of a guy spinning his dick in a circle that I cleverly titled “helicockter.” life is not worth living, y’all.
I FINALLY GOT A NEW COMPUTER!
hmu 4 cyberz LOL
xoxoxo
Would you guys buy my book?
“Drunk Texts of a Lunatic: The Matt O’Brien Story”
I’m thinking it’ll be a drunk text I send, followed by my own sober-ish/hungover commentary.
“‘HAOPY NEW YEASD DRUNK THJNG HOPE YOU AMD YOUR WIENER ARE WELLLL ;D’
I hate myself.”
“‘IM IRISH ILK GET AS INTOXIBATED AS I FUCKIN WANT, BROWN BOYY’
I don’t deserve to...
ricklop3z asked: xanax is better than ativan, dont u think? lol =)
I could use my nipples as prison shivs right now.
December 2011
21 posts
4 tags
Remember when my laptop, books and cologne got...
And how I was sadder about the cologne than I was the laptop? :(
mattheuphonium asked: part of them, yes.
I love when my hot friends finally lose their...
It makes me feel like everything is okay in the world. :’)